Working on this site

If you can't tell....it's all fracked up.

Why Can't I Import My Other Blog?

I just wanted to link my old blog with my new email and that is apparently too much to ask. So if you found me here and want to know more about my struggles with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, Her2nu positive cancer, Herceptin, or read some of my random short stories, then check me out here:

I'm Just a Little Batty

Several Months Later

I'm making the rounds. Checking up on friends and updating my blog after a long hiatus. Anya is a happy and healthy 9 month old, and so far nothing about her is out of the ordinary. She's full of giggles and smiles, coos and baby babble, and lots of love. Perfection! I am doing well. Last brain MRI came back negative so I'm getting well acquainted with NED (no evidence of disease). Of course I cannot be content because I still fear its eventual return. We are living with my brother and his family for financial reasons and it has come to my attention that I am a bit of a negative person. A spoil sport. A pessimist. I know I've always had a half-empty sort of outlook, but I think my trials have made it worse. I'm working on changing my attitude because the last thing I want is to pass this on to Anya.

Anya Meets Dr. Lee

I took Anya in to the cancer clinic to meet the nurses and Dr. Lee. Everyone was overjoyed to see her, which isn't a surprise, but I did get another hug from Dr. Lee. He told me that getting to see her made his day, his week, his month and his year. Oncologists have to try very hard not find the fine line between caring for patients and not getting too attached because the losses would be too emotionally draining. He's done well keeping on that line but I think Anya's arrival has pushed him over a little. It means a great deal to me that he cares for me, and us, in that way, because we certainly have felt that way about him for years.

Grateful

Went in to the clinic to have my port flushed. I decided not to bring Anya because her sensitive immune system. Her visit can wait a few more weeks. I was totally surprised that the staff had given Anya several gifts. It meant so much to me as a symbol of the depth of their care and their ability to get intimately connected with their patients because they are a smaller practice.

This was my oncologist's note in the card: "She is beautiful. Words fail me. We are so glad for you!"

Words seldom fail him.

In Seattle there are several "top notch" cancer facilities, but in my opinion they all pale in comparison to the doctors and staff at Puget Sound Cancer Centers...especially Dr. Doug Lee!

Anya's Home

Anya came home on Saturday, November 7th. It was such a relief to finally get out of the damn hospital. Two solid weeks was almost more than I could handle. Thankfully one of the social workers was also a cancer survivor and understood I was a little more fragile than many of the other mothers around me. There were a few days I could not stop crying and for no apparent reason.

Anyway, we're home now and trying to get into the swing of things. We had gotten so accustomed to the hospital, where everything was in its place and there was a sink and a fridge in the room, and a nurse came in every three hours to remind us to feed Anya. Having to do it all ourselves was a bit of a disaster the first night but we made it through.

Tomorrow will be her first visit to her regular pediatrician and not the hospital pediatrician. I'm sure I'll have nightmares tonight about them sending her back to the hospital for a few more weeks.

As I should be sleeping now I'm off to bed.

Much Ado and a Hug

I caused quite a stir last Thursday when I went in for treatment. The entire staff had been waiting for news about Anya, and I simply hadn't the time to make the call. They were so excited to hear the news and see the pictures we brought that we put everyone behind schedule. I'm sure the other patients were peeved and confused as to what the fuss was about. Several nurses were around me in the waiting room when I saw Dr. Lee poke his head out. One or two times he stepped forward and then back again, as though undecided about what to do. Finally he flapped his arms and rushed over to look at the pictures and congratulate me. His words were, "Holy crap." Oh how I love his sense of humor.

Because my breast was engorged I opted to have treatment with a peripheral IV in my hand instead of my port. Took longer but was well worth it. I told several of my nurses the story about the neonatal nurse wanting to compare my breasts to see if my engorged breast was normal. We had a good laugh.

As I was leaving the Center, Dr. Lee came out again and gave both me and my husband hugs. I was touched and got a little teary, but before I could say much he rushed away (he was running behind). We turned to the receptionist to confirm my next appointment and she was all teared up too. Then she told us that in the 7 years she had worked for Dr. Lee she had never seen him hug anyone.

I am so glad to have found Dr. Lee and trusted my instincts when I decided to stick with him instead of going to a bigger institution. I am profoundly grateful to him for working so hard to make this cancer fight a long and worthwhile one. And what could be more worthwhile than having a chance to bring a new life into the world?