Anya Meets Dr. Lee

I took Anya in to the cancer clinic to meet the nurses and Dr. Lee. Everyone was overjoyed to see her, which isn't a surprise, but I did get another hug from Dr. Lee. He told me that getting to see her made his day, his week, his month and his year. Oncologists have to try very hard not find the fine line between caring for patients and not getting too attached because the losses would be too emotionally draining. He's done well keeping on that line but I think Anya's arrival has pushed him over a little. It means a great deal to me that he cares for me, and us, in that way, because we certainly have felt that way about him for years.

Grateful

Went in to the clinic to have my port flushed. I decided not to bring Anya because her sensitive immune system. Her visit can wait a few more weeks. I was totally surprised that the staff had given Anya several gifts. It meant so much to me as a symbol of the depth of their care and their ability to get intimately connected with their patients because they are a smaller practice.

This was my oncologist's note in the card: "She is beautiful. Words fail me. We are so glad for you!"

Words seldom fail him.

In Seattle there are several "top notch" cancer facilities, but in my opinion they all pale in comparison to the doctors and staff at Puget Sound Cancer Centers...especially Dr. Doug Lee!

Anya's Home

Anya came home on Saturday, November 7th. It was such a relief to finally get out of the damn hospital. Two solid weeks was almost more than I could handle. Thankfully one of the social workers was also a cancer survivor and understood I was a little more fragile than many of the other mothers around me. There were a few days I could not stop crying and for no apparent reason.

Anyway, we're home now and trying to get into the swing of things. We had gotten so accustomed to the hospital, where everything was in its place and there was a sink and a fridge in the room, and a nurse came in every three hours to remind us to feed Anya. Having to do it all ourselves was a bit of a disaster the first night but we made it through.

Tomorrow will be her first visit to her regular pediatrician and not the hospital pediatrician. I'm sure I'll have nightmares tonight about them sending her back to the hospital for a few more weeks.

As I should be sleeping now I'm off to bed.

Much Ado and a Hug

I caused quite a stir last Thursday when I went in for treatment. The entire staff had been waiting for news about Anya, and I simply hadn't the time to make the call. They were so excited to hear the news and see the pictures we brought that we put everyone behind schedule. I'm sure the other patients were peeved and confused as to what the fuss was about. Several nurses were around me in the waiting room when I saw Dr. Lee poke his head out. One or two times he stepped forward and then back again, as though undecided about what to do. Finally he flapped his arms and rushed over to look at the pictures and congratulate me. His words were, "Holy crap." Oh how I love his sense of humor.

Because my breast was engorged I opted to have treatment with a peripheral IV in my hand instead of my port. Took longer but was well worth it. I told several of my nurses the story about the neonatal nurse wanting to compare my breasts to see if my engorged breast was normal. We had a good laugh.

As I was leaving the Center, Dr. Lee came out again and gave both me and my husband hugs. I was touched and got a little teary, but before I could say much he rushed away (he was running behind). We turned to the receptionist to confirm my next appointment and she was all teared up too. Then she told us that in the 7 years she had worked for Dr. Lee she had never seen him hug anyone.

I am so glad to have found Dr. Lee and trusted my instincts when I decided to stick with him instead of going to a bigger institution. I am profoundly grateful to him for working so hard to make this cancer fight a long and worthwhile one. And what could be more worthwhile than having a chance to bring a new life into the world?

She's Here!

Anya Has Arrived!
ANYA LEE POPP

born:
10/23/2009, 10:15 pm
4 lbs 12 oz, 15 inches

...and DAMN CUTE!


Induction started Friday morning and was pretty dull until late evening. Active labor for a couple of hours, pushing for 20 minutes and whoosh! Out she came. The NICU nurses hadn't even made it downstairs yet! My doctor prepared me by telling me that Anya came so fast they weren't quite ready so they called a CODE to get them to hurry. She also warned me that there was about to be 10 more people in the room...and I was still legs spread. Good times!

Anya had a little trouble remembering to breathe in her first few minutes but soon got the hang of it. By the time they showed her to me she was breathing on her own. Then she was whisked up to the NICU so they could keep a close watch on her.

Over the last week she's had some ups and downs. Problems holding her temperature, keeping food down, and a little jaundice. Today, exactly one week after her birthday, she was moved to a different floor where NICU babies go for a few days before they're released. She's eating plenty of food now and keeping it down, her temperature is steady, and the jaundice started to come down without the need for UV lights. We're hoping to have her home by Monday. Fingers and toes crossed.

Funniest thing that happened...

On Wednesday my milk came in. My breast was ginormous and red and painful. Eerily reminded me of when I was first diagnosed and MY cancer WAS painful. I mentioned it to the nurse taking care of Anya that day and she asked a lactation consultant to speak to me (even though I can't breastfeed due to Herceptin). So both the nurse and the lacto. lady came and pulled the curtain closed. I lifted up the right side of my shirt to show them, but held my arm over my left side. They both commented that it looked very swollen, but could they look at the left breast to compare. With a smirk I said, "Uh, no, I don't have it anymore." They both said "Oh!" followed by an awkward silence. Without something to compare it to they really couldn't tell me if my breast was normal, so they told me to ice it and take pain meds and let them know if it got worse.

It's Official

Anya will come into the world sometime on October 23rd, 2009. I hope early rather than later. I had the amniocentesis today to check her lungs and she's ready to breathe. They poked me in the belly with a long needle. Told me it wouldn't hurt as much as a biopsy but they didn't give me anything for the pain and ended up poking me twice. Yuck! It wasn't as bad as having screws drilled into my head, but it was very uncomfortable. Makes me worry for tomorrow. On the one hand, I've been through so much shit already that my pain threshold should be pretty high, but on the other hand, I'm a big wuss and usually whine and cry until I get pain medications. Sigh. Well I'll be taking a benedryl tonight to get some sleep and I'll be crossing my fingers for a short, easy labor. (How's that for wishful thinking?)

Fight Mode

As I am anxiously waiting for the induction this Friday it occurs to me that I am more nervous about giving birth then I was for my mastectomy. It helps that I was unconscious for that event, but still, in the days leading up to it I wasn't as nervous as I am now. I think I was less apprehensive then because I was in fight mode. I had accepted what was to be as a necessary part of fighting cancer. Now I'm not in fight mode, and it's not just me that will be put to the test. So somehow, between today and Friday, I've got to get into a mindset that I'm going to handle childbirth as best I can for Anya's sake. She needs me to be strong, so I'll do my damnedest.